Struggles With Meditation

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Admittedly, I haven’t planned out this site and am just feeling my way around. I don’t want to necessarily sit down and write long posts about every detail of my progress from Holy-cow-this-is-bad to Holy-wowsers-things-are-great. So, for now anyway, I will just write a quick Daily Sparks post and pull from them in the future.

Today’s spark is, well, not so sparkly. I want to share a not-so-awesome snapshot. I am working on the sparkly monster of all habit trackers and so doing my best to give it a good test with some new habits. One of those is morning meditation. I want to share what my mediation looks like for those that have a hundred and one excuses that they cannot work it into their days.

My preference would be to meditate when I first wake up in the morning but after a dozen tries I have had to give that up. (Due to lack of space, I share a bed with my kids. Every time I have woken before the sun and try to get up, my son wakes up and then, not only can I not meditate, but I feel terrible that he is awake 2 hours before he needs to be.) So, plan B.

After I take the kids to school and before I start work, I make time to meditate. There are so many forms of mediation, and I’ve bounced all around through them. What is currently working for me is The M Word, a kind of step by step 15 to 20 minute medition I learned from Emily Fletcher.

So, this morning I open up the meditation and get ready to settle in. Mister (the name I prefer to say instead of “my husband”) of course has his “news” at top volume and yes, I have asked many times for him to use headphones or at least turn it down. Funny thing about narcissists, they don’t give a $#@^ and will simply mock you using a baby voice and tell you how intolerant you are. Sigh.

Ok. So, I put in earphones and turn the volume up to 100. Nothing says meditation like sore eardrums. From there, I have to learn to meditate knowing that there is a very good chance I’ll be interrupted but I do my best to just accept that and let it be. The M Word is actually quite helpful with this.

I was a few minutes into the session today when my 16 year old invalid dog starts trying to get up and falling back onto the floor over and over again. Breeeeeeeaaaathe. Just let things happen. Breeeeeeeaaaaathe. Let it be. Breeeea—- and I’m splashed with something wet. She had peed and, in trying to get up, flung her leg and covered me in pee.

Plan C. Get up, wash off. Wash off again. Move dog. Mop up floor. Settle in again and begin the session from the start.

Even with all of that, I absolutely felt great both from the effects of the mediation and from knowing that even though I had every reason to skip “just one day.” I powered through and made it happen. Plus, now I get to chose a pretty color to fill in a space on my new habit tracker.

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